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But to be free of those old crutches can be both exhilarating and exhausting.

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For the past 10 years, the Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld has been compiling data on how couples meet.With the declining influence of friends and family and most other social institutions, more single people today are on their own, having set up shop at a digital bazaar where one’s appearance, interestingness, quick humor, lighthearted banter, sex appeal, photo selection—one’s is submitted for 24/7 evaluation before an audience of distracted or cruel strangers, whose distraction and cruelty might be related to the fact that they are also undergoing the same anxious appraisal.

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